The Wooden Ratio ....

So..back to my favourite topic of nuclear disarmament and political instability in the middle east. Yeah right.

Kondi expostulated this beautifully precise theory of what it takes for a guy to score in this day and age of frenetic electronicry, short attention spans and the dawn of the e-reader.

17 women and 2 Large shots of Vodka.

I am not kidding. That's what it is.

Here is how it pans out. (Kondi, once again - respect.)

Invite seventeen women to a misty evening party in a house in downtown. Clean behind your ears, dress well and be polite.


Now, as you circulate in the room with your scotch on the rocks, you'll probably find that leaving alarming filters of beauty and intelligence aside, ceterus paribus so to speak, 50% of the seventeen women are married. Hmm. 


You move on.


8.5 women left as a possible set (told you - this is precise).

You circulate among these 8.5 women and find that another 50% of them are 'Engaged' - leaving…(I hear whirring calculators here) ...4.25 potentially scoreable women. 


Still good odds, you think, while stirring some more ice into your scotch.

Hold on though.


You go on to find another (and I pause here to extend sympathy for the plight of the eligible Indian male. But rings true, doesn't it?) 50% of these lovely women are (or think they are) dating "The One", leaving (best leave the calculations to us from here on) 2.125 fantastic women to score off.


That's right. 2.125.


Still good odds…50%? Heck, you think, I can live with that, you think. Until you realise that one of these 2.125 women is a hardcore feminist and a confirmed man-hater, dragging, wait for it, another woman with her into this phallic morass (In case you didn't know, no woman can never love or hate by herself. She drags her soul sister along to hold the handbags) leaving  2.125 -1 (the feminist) -1.000 (her gullible friend)  = 0.125 women to score with. 


Damn! , you think, you were looking to score but hardly in decimal points. 

But there is hope. And here is where the story of the Indian male gets redeemed, and in one elegant sweep, adds the dash of realism which takes this theory from mere bar banter to a hypothesis worthy of academic contemplation.

10% of the original set of 8.5 married women aren't happy in their marriages, and are looking to score "out of bounds", so to speak, bringing back, rather grandly, 0.850 women back into the forlorn equation bringing to an almost-there sum total of 0.975 women. 


Er, you think. I knew the gender ratio in India is screwed but didn't really expect that to translate so literally. But wait.


Remember those two large shots of vodka? Here's where they come in. Serve those low on lime and high on ice and a potentially unscoreable 0.975 woman becomes a rip roaring cauldron of vodka-fuelled, sexually available woman with a probability factor of 1.000.

There you have it  - a finite, precise Wooden ratio of 17:1.

Recap: 17- 8.5 (married)-4.25 (engaged)-2.125 (dating) - 1 (feminist)-1 (assistant free rider) + 0.85 (married but unhappy) + 2 large shots of vodka.

Drunken Corollary: If you know seventeen women and haven't scored, you are the eighteenth one.