Yet, I feel the call.
I am not sure what the call is - I know its nothing morally uplifting like changing the world or anything. But I don't know what it is. Sometimes I think its the feeling of being in a pack of wolves, sharing a sense of elevated spine-straightening, fangs baring belonging and power as we hunt. I don't know if I've ever felt it to miss it. But I seem to know the feeling..can almost sense it on the hairs on the back of my neck.
Maybe its not as feral as all that. Maybe its just the feeling of being in a group - united by our sense of sameness yet differentiated by our quirks and our faces, seen as one by the world outside as we cracked our inside jokes with the shared comfort of liberties granted and taken. Its like living life with heightened senses, seeing and feeling things as a person and as a group.
Maybe its not that either. Maybe its a sense of discovery, a feeling of risk that I miss. Maybe I feel trapped by all the mass of equations and calculations that I've become. Missing the thudding heartbeat as I make choices not knowing with certainty that its the right choice. The headlights of my life working too well, perhaps, illuminating the road ahead with a clarity all too well maybe?
what's this call I hear?
